Can You Give Me A Hand?

If you are a regular reader, just skip to the brown words...sorry about that. Or, if you want to check out the blog party by clicking on the icon. It's a fun way to increase your blog traffic!

If you're joining me from the blog party, let me introduce myself - my name is Pennie and I am the 42 year old wife of Mike. We've been married 17 years. We're parents of teenagers Aaron (14) and Bridgette (13). I am a women's ministry leader for a non-profit called SAMmy's (Strength Among Moms Ministry). I won't bore you with any more details. Oh - except one...I've recently been diagnosed with MS. You can poke around on my blog to read about that. I'm pretty upbeat, and value a sense of humor...as you'll find out...read on...I'd pick prizes US49, US113, US114, USC32..in that order.

Well a funny thing happened to me this morning. I hope I can paint an accurate word picture for you here.
Yesterday, when I was getting my steroid I.V., they installed a port in my left hand. It's just a needle with a plastic piece that they tape in my vein so that they don't have to stick a needle in every day this week - they just plug in my I.V. to the little plastic piece, and when they're done they unplug me, wrap my hand in this sticky elastic gauze and send me on my way. Much better than being stuck with a needle every day!
Well, the nurse told me that when I shower, I should wrap Saran Wrap around the gauze, and hold my hand away from the water so as not to get it wet.
Seems like a simple task, right?
Yeah. Whatever.
This morning, I had the foresight to get the Saran Wrap into the bathroom before I got naked...no need to give the neighbors a show - I have a big picture window in my kitchen! (A freak show, maybe...)
So, here's the scene - clothes off, hand wrapped in gauze...I'm facing the mirror and talking to myself...for moral support...and I realize:
MS has caused me to have no feeling in my hands - and they have no strength.
Thus begins the comedy show. I can't remember when I laughed so hard. The mirror provides the most entertainment I have had in years. Really. If I had clothes on, I may have gotten Bridgette's camera and dared to film my first ever vlog.
I began by trying to unroll the Saran wrap - we all know it sticks to itself...and my fingers don't work. Hilarious results. Then nurse Patti's voice flashes into my head "With your hands like that, you have to be really careful not to injure yourself."
At that very moment that shiny metal blade along the edge of the cling wrap box jumps up and adheres itself to the wrap, missing my arm by like 6 inches - but it could have been a close one if it were like moving alot faster!
I decide to take the wrap out of the box...and it sticks to itself so much it wads up in a big clump. I have to carefully rip it off and start over...out of the box that could be a dangerous weapon.
Now, if your ever working with cling wrap outside of the box, you have to keep it really taut or it will stick to itself. It works really well that way. So, I stretch the roll out, keeping my arms as far away from themselves as possible. Okay - imagine doing this with two good hands...now imagine if you can't feel anything and you can't hold onto anything for more than a few minutes. And you're laughing. Because you have to wrap a hand that is holding one end of the wrap.
I cannot believe the nurses told me to do this!
This is a test - I'm sure of it!
And I am not passing!
I start to get the swing of it. I move it back and forth and it kind of bunches up, but who cares. I catch a peek at myself in the mirror and I almost laugh myself onto the floor. You know how when you play video games and you move the controller left and right, up and down and your body kind of moves that way with it? Well, I am actually doing that as I wind the cling wrap - picture this - a plump, 42 year old doing bad ballet pirouttes around the bathroom naked, winding cling wrap around her hand like some bad ballet scarf prop or something.
That picture will either make you laugh or scare you so badly you won't be able to sleep tonight.
The funniest part? Why didn't she tell me to just tape a plastic bag to my hand? That's what I'm doing tomorrow!