Yeah...About Yesterday...

Yesterday I had my MRI. Two, in fact - one of my head and one of my C-Spine (neck).
I've had MRI's before...well, one before. Just last September, as a matter of fact! I had to have it because of my cousin Annie. Annie had really bad migraines (just like me). She got put on a strong migraine medicine - Topamax (the same medicine I take) and got put on the strongest dosage to control her headaches...they call it "seizure level" because it's the same dosage they give to epilepsy patients to control their seizures. It's the highest dosage of this medication you can take. (It's the same dosage I take.) The thing is, they found out that Annie wasn't having migraines; Annie had a hereditary condition that caused brain aneurisms and she had to have brain surgery to remove the aneurisms last summer. Because our headache history is so similar. and because this condition is hereditary, I was told to have an MRI of my head last September. The thing is, when I was having the MRI last fall, I knew it would come out fine - and yet, I had a feeling I would need that MRI in my file for a later date. I told that morbid thought to at least one of my sisters and to a few friends - one of them being my friend Michelle.
So, I knew what I was in for when I had those MRI's yesterday - the whirring and buzzing and banging while you're confined to a tube. I had to go to my "happy place" and camp out for a while. When I got out the technician said the doctor had an order for the radiologist to read it right away. I thought that was some pretty good service - things usually take days in the medical world to get done!
I live about 15 minutes from the hospital, and as I was pulling in to my garage, I got a call from the hospital. A nurse asked me if I could come back in in another 2 hours to hear the results of the MRI. Now, I'm not stupid. I knew if the results were fine, she'd tell me that over the phone. So, I did what I knew to do...I called my friend Michelle and asked if she wanted to have coffee after I got the results. I had to bring her up to speed on all that had been happening. Usually Michelle, Melissa and I are the Three Amigos and share everything but since I didn't think anything about what was happening to me until the evening before when I went into the doctor's - Melissa had called right before then and I had shared with her but not Michelle because things had gotten crazy after that. Michelle didn't want to wait until after the appointment and came right over. Come to think of it, I think her plan all along was to take me to my appointment because she hated thinking of me driving because I can't feel the right side of my body (I really CAN drive just fine!). But, I was so glad she was there!
In the waiting room, I asked her if she remembered how I had that MRI in Sept. and thought I was having it for a reason - like God had me take it for a baseline or something. She said she did.
I admitted to her that I didn't think they'd call me in to discuss the results unless there was something serious in them. She looked me in the eye and said, "Honey, I agree with you. If I were you, I'd prepare myself to hear something bad." I am so glad she said that! I don't know what people do without a good network of friends! It's taken me 4 years to get friends like this in this area, but I am SO GRATEFUL!
So, when I went into the doctor's office, I met with the doctor I had yesterday - not my regular doctor, mind you. The first thing she said was "It's a good thing we had that MRI from last September." I told her I was a Christian, and it was kind of a fluke that we had a healthy MRI - I believe it was God that arranged all that. She said we were still waiting for the results of the MRI to be typed up by the radiologist. She asked if I worked outside the home. I told her not that I actually got paid for, but that I volunteered a good chunk of my week to a non-profit ministry I founded and run...blah, blah, blah...then she told me how wonderful that was, and she looked me in the eye and told me she did talk to the radiologist and had the jist of the results. She put her hand on my arm and said, "I'm sorry, Pennie, it looks like you have M.S."
At which point I started to tear up.
And she passed me the Kleenex as I imagined wheelchairs and Jerry Lewis telethons and rubber legs and braces and losing speech abilities - all of which are possibilities.
Brain tumor I could have handled - isn't that crazy? M.S. makes me cry. But, now that I've imagined the worse and gotten the facts - this disease is illusive - it can be mild, it can be horrible - it can come and go in waves. There is no cure.
And then this doctor - who is not my regular doctor, remember - said that she was a Christian, too. And, she asked if she could pray with me. I said that would be nice. She took my hands in hers and prayed the most beautiful prayer for God's grace and peace. Now, I live in Wisconsin - very far from the Bible belt. This NEVER happens. I believe God had her there for this time in my life. And I am grateful. I felt His peace right there in the room. I thanked her for her beautiful words. I felt her heart. She is truly a sister in Christ. I could tell.
The thing with this is that the MRI from September is clear - and the one from yesterday is full of lesions all over my brain. Ugh. So, they don't have to guess - this is a pretty aggressive case. (Please keep being my bloggy friends!)
But, really - I am a trooper. If anyone can handle this with a good attitude and be an example of God's light through all of this it's going to be ME. I have decided that already. Case closed.
The toughest thing was telling my husband. The easiest thing was telling my kids...because Aaron had already had it in his mind that I had had a stroke (and was going to die), so MS was a good thing. (Because, he's 14 and knows everything - apparently even can DIAGNOSE everything!) AND he was so kind as to sell Bridgette on this, too. She came up to me with her eyes big like saucers and said, "Aaron said you had a stroke?" Poor kid! "Nope! Just MS!"
Mike continues to be my knight in shining armor. He tells me we'll get through this and we'll handle whatever we need to. And, he also reminded me that God has the last say, and just because the doctors say one thing, doesn't mean that God has to listen. If it pans out the way the doctor's say because that's God's will - fine. But, it may not be. And, that's fine, too.
So, here's another twist in my story. It wasn't what I expected...but, it never is, is it?
I never did say thanks. I kept thinking how nice it was knowing all of you were praying. I didn't get a chance to let all my other friends know what I was going through - but you all did. And, I was counting on your prayers. That was nice. Thanks.