Echoes of My Dad

My dad has been showing up now and then lately. That wouldn't be so odd, except for the fact that he's been dead for a year and a half now.

Oh, before you go writing me off as a nut job, don't go taking me literally here. He hasn't really shown up in the flesh. So, you can breathe a sigh of relief and quit thinking you have to unfriend me. :) So many echoes of him have been showing up in the unlikeliest of places, though. For a year and a half I've been aware that he's been gone - my siblings and I talk about it, even - but lately the fact that he's been gone has been taking me by surprise. It's so odd.

Like last week, I was at the grocery store waiting in line. This older gentleman was bantering with what appeared to be his twenty-something granddaughter. He had the same spark and teasey kind of manner my dad had. As they were passing me he came right up to me and explained what their funny conversation was about (he was joking about her driving and parking ability) and she laughed along and rolled her eyes. His mannerisms even reminded me of my dad. I chuckled and they walked away. I almost burst into tears. I could barely count out my money for the cashier and cried all the way home. I wanted to find that granddaughter and tell her to cherish every last moment with him. It was very uncharacteristic for me.

And, a few months ago I went to my neurologists for an appointment and she checked my blood pressure. I have always had low blood pressure. I am a laid back kind of person. I may be ambitious, but type-A I am not! My dad, on the other hand was type-A all the way. He died of heart disease/high blood pressure and right before he died I was pegged with a lipo-protein little a cholesterol problem (that can lead to heart disease and/or stroke) that was hereditary that my doctor was concerned about (and I called my dad and thanked him for that gift - and felt guilty after he died because it was just two weeks before - even though I was joking...sort of)...anyhow...at this neurology appointment she took my blood pressure and thought something was wrong with the cuff. She chalked it up to me coming up two flights of stairs right before the appointment. I am within my normal weight range for my height, and as I said before I have always had low blood pressure - not so this time. She told me to take my blood pressure reading at the Wal-Mart machines to regulate it. I have been...it wasn't a fluke. The readings are regularly high. And, I've noticed I've been getting edgier, too. That was like my dad...and I've been wondering if it's because of my blood pressure. I wonder if my MS meds have anything to do with it? Ugh! I'll ask her at my appointment in May.

My personality is sunny - and my dad's was, too....although he had an edge to him. A lot of that had to do with a high-stress job and his health, I imagine. He couldn't handle any bit of news without getting stressed, so we didn't tell him about things until we absolutely had to. I, on the other hand, am pretty laid back. I take things in stride and can handle quite a bit. Ummmm....until this weekend. Aaron got his learner's permit for driving. I expected to be able to handle this in stride, too. Not! In Aaron's defense, he did a pretty great job. Mike was in the front seat and I sat in the back seat, mostly where Aaron couldn't see me (because I don't hide what I feel very well), although when he was backing out of a parking spot for the first time VERY QUICKLY he did say "Mom! Don't look so freaked out!" My eyes were closed. I had no idea he was looking at me!

Anyhow, my dad seems to be visiting me and in some ways becoming me. I'm not sure I like it.