The Dream: Part One

I debated about putting this on my blog, but then I thought, "Oh, what the heck!"
I have been the girl who says too much...back when I was younger. You know the one - the one who gave T.M.I.? What you didn't know is I could have revealed SO MUCH MORE than I did!
Well, after being burned by everybody's sideward glances and heard a few of their whispers about me; and, after marrying a VERY private man who let me know more than a few times that I crossed the line and shared too much, I became the girl who shared very little.
So, now I live in a town...almost 7 years (in June it will be 7 years...the longest I've lived ANYWHERE since marrying Mike!) and they don't know all about me. My skeletons are safely stuffed in a closet that is properly filled with cobwebs, and is encased in dust, for lack of anyone coming near it much less opening it.
And, I've been very careful not to open it, or open up...because there are a lot of scary things in that closet...and people comment how I'm such a good friend, and that I have wisdom - but I paid a big price for both. They also comment on the close walk I have with the Lord, and while I am forever grateful for our relationship and wouldn't trade it for the world, I can't say I would have chosen the path I had to endure to get to Him (so it's a good thing He did!) because I don't know that I would have believed I could survive it. But, God is good...all the time. And, like Ecclesiastes 7:13 says, "Consider the work of God: for who can make that straight, which he hath made crooked?" And...my path was pretty crooked...and there was no making it straight in my own strength...that's for sure!
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So, I dare to share something personal.Very personal. Because that's why I have this blog, for goodness sake!
And, there aren't any gross skeletons, but maybe a few weird things about me. You can choose to look at me weird, if you want. People do sometimes when I'm honest with them. I'm pretty thick-skinned by now.
But, I must tell you that my closest friends, who know me really well, know I'm for real...and I have their undying friendship & devotion.
...so, I can handle sideways glances.
Months ago I had a dream. Not just any dream. Every now and then, I have a dream, and when I wake up, I know it is a "special" dream. Dare I say prophetic? Yes, I dare. I'm not some special person...I can count on my hands how many times this has happened in my life - so, it hasn't happened often. The first time, I was in high school. I remember it vividly, and when I woke up I was speaking this weird language. It was freaky.
Scared of me yet?
I didn't have another dream of this caliber for a few more years. I've been having them more frequently now. I don't know why. Your guess is as good as mine.
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I was walking up the aisle of an older church with wood pews (haven't been in a church like that in a LONG time). I got to the podium by the altar to present something that (in my dream) I normally did for SAMmy's (the ministry I direct), when two of my SAMmy's leaders came up and told me that they would be doing that job from now on. I was not offended or anything. I gave my notes to them and they proceeded to present whatever speech I gave them. I went to sit down in the audience, which filled the whole church.
I sat next to a person who had a guitar on their lap. They started strumming, and I thought, "I know that song!" I started singing. (This is a key part, because I was a worship leader in a few different churches as Mike and I have moved around, but gave up that calling on my life when I started SAMmy's 13 years ago. I started having panic attacks because I was doing too much and that's when God told me that I was supposed to be His "cheerleader" in the audience and sing for Him there, and concentrate on SAMmy's only.) So, I started singing and others joined in and it was really fun, being in the audience as God's cheerleader. Then, these plump African American women (they reminded me of the bears in The Jungle Book "Pick the Paper Up, Put it in the bag," *bump* *bump*) in black dresses and white lace spiraling up their dresses started dancing joyfully up the aisles. It was very worshipful in my dream. I saw wisps of smoke filter up the aisles and across the church. I wondered where it was coming from. I didn't see any candles or incense. Then, I noticed that the lace on the ladies' dresses was smoldering...there was an orange glow rising up the lace, turning white hot and grey cinders with an orange glow were breaking off and the cinders were flying through the air along with the wisps of smoke. It all seemed beautiful.
Then, I woke up.
And, I just had this feeling that I needed to remember the dream. I couldn't let it fade, like so many dreams do. This one had to be memorialized. So, I talked to God about it and asked Him what it meant. I supposed the first part (about handing over my SAMmy's speech to two others and singing in the audience) was about me delegating more in my ministry and doing what came naturally - which wasn't singing, necessarily, but writing curriculum (which is what I do naturally in my ministry). I had felt God telling me I had to delegate more and my board of directors and I had been talking about taking strides to do that, but we needed to take action there. The rest of the dream still puzzled me.
I called my friend Cathy, one of my monthly prayer group women, and asked her what she thought.
She didn't know. We waited to ask our other friends in our prayer team, because we were meeting the next week.
***To Be Continued***