The Down Side of The Sunny Side

I make no secret out of the fact that I'm a Christian on this blog. I'm a women's ministry leader. I have a greater responsibility to behave Christ-like. But this is also MY blog. This is my place to let my hair down and say what I need to say. And, I make no secret out of the fact that while I am a Christian, and a ministry leader...I am also human.
Man, have I been human lately.
Maybe not on the outside, but definitely in my head.
And in my heart.
God and I have been having quite a few talks that I never imagined I'd be having with Him.
But, again...I am human.
Many of you have walked through my health struggles with me. Remember two years ago, when I didn't know what was going on and I found out I had M.S?
I had some pretty serious things going on in those first few months: numbness, pain, confusion, fear.
All the tests and medication. You read about how I was afraid to give myself an injection a week, only to find that the lesions in my brain kept growing and I had to beef it up to three injections a week.
I thought it was the end of the world...
...for about a week.
Now it's old hat.
Same thing when I had to start using a catheter 3x/day.
No big deal now.
And they make a med for every other symptom - fatigue, depression, and the rest...it's all doable.
And you cheered me on and said you marvelled at my positive attitude.
I have always been a glass-half-full kind of girl.
My dad used to call me his sunshine girl.
My friend Heather calls me "Sunshine" even now.
I usually have a smile on my face and try to see the positive side of things.
It's the way I'm wired.
And, I believe it's Scriptural.
(But, seeing that it's my disposition makes it WAY easier for me than for those who are moodier, by nature. I don't do drama.)
Which brings me to one of the things God has been speaking to me about lately.
My sunny side.
Yes, you read that right.
My sunny side turns sour when those who are going through trials refuse to look at the brightness.
Somebody close to me has recently been diagnosed with a health problem. Not anything that can't be treated or lifelong like M.S., but serious enough.
This was my chance to be there for them! (They were there for me in my health crisis.)
I was there to listen to their symptoms...which they didn't disclose as freely as I'd hoped they would. (So, I had to outright ask and do a little detective work.)
I offered to go to their appointment with them. ("No thanks." Okay...I get that. We're different personalities.)
When they WERE diagnosed (with the diagnosis I predicted - thank you very much - and btw I did not say I told you so - never said a word), I did behind the scenes research on the meds they were prescribed so that they were able to have the info they needed to combat the side effects, which has helped considerably.
Another friend has been struggling with health issues less severe. Both these cases have driven these people to react with less-than-glass-half-full attitudes. For VERY LONG periods of time so far...almost constantly.
At first, I reacted in a way that SO EMPATHETIC and SO COMPASSIONATE!!! You would have been proud. BUT...after a while - it's like I reached my glass-half-full threshold. 
I continue to try to look sympathetic, while my heart is chanting, "Buck up, Buttercup!"
...maybe because that is what I tell myself in those situations when my health problems seem overwhelming...and it works!
But, when I see others who faint when things are minutely trying, it is frustrating to me.
I am learning mercy.
Scratch that.
I am TRYING to learn mercy better. Compassion...on a different level. Understanding instead of knowing.
Dang, it's difficult.
I am responsible for not only a godly reaction, but actually my HEART. Do you realize how difficult it is to control your heart? That's why I had to involve God. I can't do this.
I never saw myself like this before. It's a whole different view of myself.
But, I've been this way all along.
God just let me see a different view in the mirror.
...that's what we've been discussing lately.
Sunshine got a little butt whippin'.
It's really shocking to realize you're not who you thought you were.